A flash story by Michael Ampersant from http://morefreedomfries.blogspot.fr
I am bringing you the gift of piety, Son, and this is your last chance. You will by now have realized that our most -revered Abbot was not amused when he offered you his gift of attachment during our little get- together in the hallowed cellars of this historic monastery, and you -after all that we have done for your- refused again and again the expression of his love and fled to your cell to renew the sinful practice of the solitary vice, or, like you disgracefully called it, "beat your own bishop to the excess". Your wandering in error, my son, was what brought us to transfer you to the abbot’s bedchamber, here, where the genius loci, we prayed, would then finally let you open your heart and let him in. But you stubbornly persisted in your refusal of the abbot’s bishop, and made the feeble excuse -the worn-out excuse of many a young man visiting our monastery- that your creaturely aperture would be too tight to accommodate the Abbot’s gift of arousal, which -the whole monastery could not agree more- is indeed true wonder of rectitude and size.
Well, this is your last chance, then, young man. We take you by your word, and present you with this gift of piety, which I hold in my hands. It is a gift of the holy spirit, 40 centimeters tall and 20 centimeters in girth, fashioned and carved to instill a profound reverence for the Almighty God and his lawful representatives on earth. At first sight, the gift might also instill a sense of horror, on first sight, but once contact has been made, and intimacy has developed, the gift arouses in the soul -and elsewhere- a vibrant sense of adoration, a sorrow for sin, and a craving to suffer more so as to be blessed later when the Abbot’s own gift of arousal will enter your soul and other parts of your body. So, open yourself to this gift, which you do not receive in a spirit of slavery leading you back into fear, but in a spirit of joyful dominance and grateful submission. Have I made myself clear ?